Choosing Boarding School
When Rebecca Haile, co-founder of EEI/HMA, shared the idea of opening a school in Ethiopia and a residential school at that, I knew I wanted to join her. Why? I come from a boarding school family—my siblings and I all attended boarding school. It was a life-changing experience for me, putting me on an academically rigorous path, and giving me lifelong friends.
I am also a boarding school parent. Although my two sons opted for day school, my youngest child, my daughter, decided she wanted to go to boarding school soon after she accompanied me to one of my reunions. As we drove into the lush campus, with trees and bushes in springtime bloom, she announced, “I’m going away to school!” She loved the entire experience including staying in the dorms with me. And that was that.
Other parents sometimes ask me, “How could you send your daughter away? How could your parents have sent you away to boarding school?” My response is simple: “I didn’t send her. She wanted to go, and I supported her going.”
The reason I supported her—and lobbied my skeptical husband—was my view that a boarding school rounds out your educational experience in a way that is much harder to achieve at a day school. Because you are not only studying with your classmates, but also living with them, there are so many opportunities to bring discussion, debate and curiosity outside of the classroom. When a boarding school promotes curiosity and engagement, it's your classmates who help move that forward—you move forward together. Deep, sustained engagement with peers makes a tremendous difference, especially during adolescence, which is such an intense time developmentally.
My daughter’s own reasons for choosing a residential experience also reflected 21st century realities that didn’t exist a generation ago. As she entered her teen years, she was exhausted by the increasing demands of her “other life” on social media with her classmates. At a boarding school there is no “other life”, because everyone is participating in the same general program. Everyone has breakfast together, attends classes at the same time, goes to extracurricular activities in the afternoon followed by studying in the evening. That framework promotes belonging and community. There is no wondering, “Are others getting together without me? Have I been left out of something? Why is everyone else having so much fun?” Kids learn and are so much more open to academic and other challenges when they aren’t worried about belonging.
Boarding school was a wonderful fit for my daughter. From day one I saw her drawing from her friendships and teachers and learning to advocate for herself in new ways. Transferring into boarding school widened her support systems, impacting us both for the better. When she got to college, she drew on her boarding school experience of groups—all those sports teams and clubs and student-led initiatives—in deciding to study organizational behavior. She had seen firsthand how powerful certain types of groups could be, and she wanted to better understand how and why group dynamics matter.
This isn’t to say we didn’t feel any separation anxiety or sadness when she left. Driving home after dropping her off I actually had to pull over, park alongside the road and cry; I couldn’t stop thinking of her newly alone, unpacking and dreading the orientation square dancing event. But I knew she would flourish, and she did. Our conversations after that first day soon shifted from basic updates to in-depth discussions on important social issues and her own responsibility as a change-maker. By sending her to boarding school, I’ve learned how to support her in what she wants to study and do, and she has learned to be appreciative and grateful for her experiences.
I cried when I watched the HMA Celebration of Learning Video. It’s beautiful to see the families on campus on the very first day of school, and it’s so deeply relatable for me. I understand how big a decision they have made, and what they were thinking and feeling. I was especially struck by the girl who, in response to a question, offered “I’m excited because I'm getting something new; and to do that I know I have to give something up.” I want to say to her, and to her parents, “No, you’re not giving anything up. You’re really just gaining more people who will support you and be invested in your success. Your ‘family’, your world, is about to widen in the most wonderful way.”